Week of July 13, 2014 - MENTAL DEBRIS CLOGS FREEWAY

By Joan Whetzel

 

A number of years ago, I was driving – running errands – and listening to the radio. Well, I wasn’t really listening, I really just had it on for noise. During my half-way listening, the news came on. One of the reports was about metal debris flying off the back of a dump truck, leaving a freeway full of cars, trucks, police and fire emergency vehicles stranded with flat tires galore.  Of course, in my half-listening state, I what the news reporter said and what I heard were two different things. Instead of “metal debris” I heard “mental debris” which snapped me out of my stupor to listen to the rest of the story. I was a little disappointed to hear that it was just a simple case of tire-flattening metal shrapnel – although, I was quite sorry for all the people who were left stranded with 2 or more flat tires, not enough spares, and no way to get off the freeway. I was also glad that I was not one of the people who fell victim to this dump-truck driver’s folly.

However, it got me to thinking – and laughing – about all the possible outcomes of the “mental debris” scenario. What kind of mental debris would wreak as much havoc as that metal debris?

Among the possible scenarios I could imagine:

• A teenage girl, driving down the highway at 75mph, chatting on her cell phone. Her thoughts spewed out of her brain faster than the speed of sound, splattered out of her mouth and onto the freeway, leaving oily, brain-fuel puddles in her wake.

• The lady in the car following the teenager swerves to avoid an accident with an 18-wheeler in the next lane and skids to a stop on the shoulder, but not before scraping the passenger side of her car against the metal guardrail. The elderly female driver contributes to the teenager’s mental debris when, upon assessing the damage to her car and pondering her near miss, she lost her marbles all over the freeway.

• Another motorist then runs over the mental marbles and teenager’s thought slicks, loses control of his pick-up in a bizarre, cartoon-like fashion, and smashes into the HOV lane's concrete barrier. The driver, after vacating his vehicle and inspecting the damage to his decimated Dodge, promptly blows up in an exaggerated case of road rage. His jagged, mind shrapnel flows out onto the freeway, shredding tires left and right. Trucks and cars careen into each other until they become one huge mass of crushed steel and rubber.

Which then led me to wonder who police and firefighters would clean up such a mess? I guess they’d need to call out the HazMat unit so that all of that mental debris wouldn’t contaminate the ground water. With that much mental waste all over the freeway, they’d have to scrape it up and seal it in huge vats labeled “Warning! Hazardous Medical Waste” and send it off to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta to determine the degree of risk to local residents.

And what would the drivers be charged with (the ones who left their mental debris all over the freeway)? They’d be charged with reckless driving and endangering the public welfare. Of course, since they had left much of their mental-ness all over the freeway they may not be competent to stand trial since, as some might describe it, their engines were running but nobody was behind the wheel. Then of course, the CDC would have to try and figure out if they could separate the mental debris and return it to the rightful owners. On the other hand, if the mental debris caused this much damage to begin with, do we really want it returned to the rightful owners?

Week of July 8, 2014 - Making Lists

By Joan Whetzel

 

I have made lists for as long as I can remember. It’s a habit I picked up from my dad, who made lists for every task imaginable, whether small or large. Every summer vacation, every move to a new house, even weekend chores had a list made up in advance. And, as each item on the list was accomplished, it was checked off. Actually, moving required several lists: 1. Packing, 2. Unpacking, 3. Everything going onto and off of the moving van, 4. Items being loaded into the car at the beginning of the trip, and out of the car at each hotel, back on the car for the next day’s travel, and finally into the new house at the other end, 5. Travel itinerary (included meals, hotels, gasoline stops, and bathroom breaks).

There are some advantages to making lists. First, it breaks each job down into smaller, more manageable increments. Second, as you mark off items from the list, you get that sense of accomplishment as you see the list getting smaller and the end result looking more attainable.

Some of the ways I have used lists include:

1.      Writing: I break each story or paper down by subtopics, then by the time I need to finish the research, the writing, the editing time, and the due date for completed article or paper.

2.      College: I went to college late and had a hard time getting back into the swing of going to school. The work load at the beginning of each semester seemed overwhelming until I broke down each class’s syllabus and determined when every reading and writing assignment was due, when each test would be taken, and set up weekly schedule to complete the tasks.

3.      Setting Up My New Life: After my husband died, I was left with a lot of things that I needed to accomplish, like changing all the bills into my name (including billing and online bill paying), getting his death certificate and other documents that I would need to legally do the bills and other things I needed to accomplish, get his life insurance, get his pension payments, get the remainder of his vacation pay, pay off the house note, pay off the community association dues, pay the property taxes, take care of the income taxes (mine and the “Estate of Mark” taxes – yes 2 returns this year), clear out a lot of his stuff, make home repairs, set up a mowing and yard work routine, and get a job. Well, I’m still looking for the full time job, but the part time minimum wage job is a step in the right direction. The lists helped me break down each task into a set of steps. And as each item on that ever evolving list was checked off, I began to feel a sense of accomplishment I cannot even begin to describe.

It’s been a journey, but I have found that list making has made it a little bit saner. While the “Setting Up My New Life” list is still evolving, that list has grown considerably smaller and the tasks seem more manageable. Who’d have thunk it?

Week of June 5, 2014 - Father's Day

By Joan Whetzel

It's the 2nd Father's Day since my husband's death and the first since my dad died. Since my son is working on Father's Day, we won't be celebrating with him either. It feels really weird this year. Truth be told, I almost forgot about it, until somebody said something about it. I had to stop and ask when it was. Oh! It's this weekend?

What would we be doing if we had someone to celebrate it with?

1. Go to a movie.

2. Take one of them out to dinner - or lunch.

3. Buy a gift.

4. Breakfast in bed.

5. Let my husband sleep in late.

6. Call my son or my dad, and any other men in my life and wish them a happy Father's Day.

Well I can still call my son. As far as the other things, well, I think my daughter and I will do a few of those things in their honor - like sleeping in late and going to a movie.

Week of June 8, 2014 - Widows Must Be Rich

By Joan Whetzel

My mother and I  were talking the other day about things that have happened since we both became widows. It seems like we are suddenly inundated with things that need repairing or need our attention - and our finances. We have come to the conclusion that the fates have decided that we must be rich widows.

This week I am having to fix a failed water heater and a hole in some ceiling sheet rock (accidentally stepped through by my daughter when trying to figure out what was wrong with the water heater in the attic). I am also needing to do repairs to the siding and soffits on the back of my house. Also it looks like my downstairs air conditioning is having problems - AGAIN!. I just fixed the (bleep) thing last summer.

Add to that, my desktop computer. Internet Explorer started sending me to random websites instead of the ones I'd selected. Then my internet security program went haywire, flagging everything in sight as being corrupted and infected with a Trojan horse. Finally, Internet Explorer quit working altogether - on this computer only. I ran a diagnostic but it couldn't find anything wrong and suggested I contact my internet provider or my network administrator. Well, I can still get internet through Mozilla Firefox on this computer, and Internet Explorer is working fine on the other two computers in my house so I doubt the internet provider is going to help much. And as far as my network provider is concerned, well, he (my husband) died last year.

It was suggested I might want to try reinstalling Microsoft Windows on my desk top, even though everything else on my computer is working just fine. Windows was installed at the factory and if my husband had any backup disks for re-installing Windows, I have never found where he hid them. So I can either dip into my vast "widow wealth" and buy a new desktop or I can make do with Firefox.

For now, this "rich widow" opts for the Firefox option.

Week of ay 18, 2001 - Review of "The Complete Father Brown Stories"

By Joan Whetzel

"The Complete Father Brown Stories" by G.K Chesterton is a series of short stories and novelettes featuring a decidedly non-traditional British sleuth. Father Brown, a Catholic Priest, successfully solves murders for the police, thanks in no small part to his innocent demeanor and his congenial nature. He's someone that everyone trusts - especially the perpetrator.

 
The stories are  written in chapter form and narrated by one of the main characters, usually a police officer. They take place around the turn of the 20th century, which means the technology for solving the crimes is minimal, so Father Brown has to use his brains, his wits, and his innocent nature to help the police.

The BBC produced a "Father Brown" series for public broadcast. The series can be seen from time to time on most local PBS stations. I recently ran across the series playing an Saturday evenings around 6PM. They run about an hour, making them short enough for the "Mystery Theater" show. I believe the series can also be purchased on DVD.

If you haven't seen the shows or read the stories, they are well worth your time, especially if you love shorter stories from time to time, like I do. The TV shows are also nice because, while they make a nice series based on the Father Brown character, each episode is unique. The stories create a series of short, made-for-TV filmettes. And if you're not ready to commit to buying any "Father Brown" books without knowing whether you'd like the genre, then check out the local library. Most major Libraries are likely to carry at least 1 or 2 of the books.

Week of May11, 2014 - Happy Mother's Day.

Sorry, no blog this week. I'm celebrating my status as a mom and grandma.

Week of May 4, 2014 - Review of "The Stargazey" by Martha Grimes

By Joan Whetzel

I read the Richard Jury series of books by Martha Grimes quite a few years back and loved them. Richard Jury is a Detective for the New Scotland Yard who is frequently called in by local police to help solve crimes.

"The Stargazey" - named for a London pub by the same name - begins with Mr. Jury being intrigued by a woman. The woman is well dressed and wearing a sable fur coat. She gets on the same bus as Jury, gets off a few blocks later, gets back on the bus, then finally gets off near an Abbey. Jury, intrigued, follows her to the gates of the Abbey grounds. She enters the grounds, but Jury holds back. The next morning he hears of a woman who was found dead on the Abbey grounds, wearing a sable fur coat. He has no choice but to engage himself in the investigation. Imagine his surprise when he finds out that the woman wearing the sable coat is not the same woman he saw wearing it the evening before.

Like all of Martha Grimes's mystery novels,  "The Stargazey" is a great British whodunit, following the detective/mystery plot progression set forth by other British authors .Like I said, I loved these books when I first read them. However, I think my tastes must be changing, because I found the book moved too slowly for me now. Yeah it started out catching the reader - me - right off the bat. But then it took her several chapters (seemed like the whole first half of the book) to get the investigation going. I had a really hard time staying focused. It may just be my changing taste in reading material, though. So don't take this negative from my pen to your ears as gospel truth. Give it a read and decide for yourself.