Death happens in everyone's life and it brings out the need in all of us to express our condolences to the bereaved, and to receive them when we are left to deal with our grief. But writing sympathy notes is probably one of the hardest types of writing. Having recently lost my husband, I have become aware of the difficulty of writing - and receiving - sympathy cards and notes. I have also become keenly aware of what makes for good sympathy writing.
Condolences 191
The first thing you must decide is whether to write a note or a letter. For most cases, a short note is appropriate. For someone very dear to you, a longer letter is probably better since you will have more to say and to share with the person. Condolence letters or notes can be added to a card or be sent as a separate letter - usually, though, it'll be a note written inside a card. These cards, notes and letters frequently are saved as mementoes by the recipient, so the whole idea is to make your words and sentiment count. Yes you can type the note and place it inside the card, but handwritten notes mean so much more. They show that you took the time to write it because it was important to you.
What to Include in the Message
Begin with your greeting "Dear Joan", followed by the body of the note, and a closing note. Begin the body of the note or letter with your condolences. Most condolences are pretty much rote:
- You have my heartfelt/deepest sympathy…
- I am so sorry for your loss.
- I am so deeply saddened to hear of ___'s passing.
- I will especially miss (personal qualities i.e. warm smile, kindness) of your husband and my friend.
Closing remarks might include something like:
- My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.
- He/she will be sorely missed.
- He/she will be sadly missed but warmly remembered.
- Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Adding That Personal Touch
The condolences are all great. But the ones with the personal touches are the ones I remember the best. Make sure you add a personal anecdote or story about the person who died. If you have also suffered a loss, share something of that with the person who will receive the note. It helps them to know that they are not alone in their grief and there really is someone out there that understands something of what they are going through.
Add Sympathy Quotes
Add quotes from famous writers if you like or biblical quotes or religious blessings that deal with death and grief. They are always welcome and may be the one thing the grieving loved ones have to hang on to as they heal.
Being on the bereaved end of the condolences has given me some insight as to what other bereaved individuals would really like read and hear from others. The more personal the note or letter, the better. A cheery memory is also very welcome, and a little humor makes the sadness more bearable. So don't think it's strange to remember some corny, funny, or crazy part of the deceased's life. It may be just what the doctor ordered. It's most certainly just what the family needs. Whatever you write, the most important thing to remember is to make from your heart.
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